Say My Name
by LaylaBinx
Summary: After a fight, Goku gets kidnapped and Sanzo is forced to realize just how much he means to him. Lots of fluff and hurtcomfort goodness! Sugary Sweet! [What else do I write?]
1. Coden

I own nothing! I wish I did but I don't (sigh) Oh well, hope you like this story! I think they seem kind of OOC but they had to be a little, hope it's not too noticable...

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In retrospect, it had been a pretty stupid fight (most were). It was something small, something that shouldn't have been a big deal to clear up easily but had quickly escalated into a near full-blown civil war before everything was said and done.

**Flashback**

"Hey Sanzo?"

"Hn."

"Why do you almost never call me by my name?"  
"What kind of idiot question is that?"

Goku flushed a little at this, pulling himself upright from the position he's been lying in on the other bed. "It's not a stupid question." He insisted seriously. "I mean it. Why do you never say my name? You always call me "idiot" or "baka" or something mean like that."

Sanzo sighed irritably, flipping the newspaper page he's been reading. "I just call you what you are."  
"Huh?"

Sighing again, he elaborated. "If you act like a stupid monkey, then I'm going to call you a stupid monkey."

"But you call me that almost every day!"

"Then what's your point?"

Goku's gold eyes flashed slightly. "Well, if I ever called you a droopy-eyed priest or something insulting like that what would you do?"

"Shoot you in the face."

Goku growled under his breath. "Do you know why I don't call you names like that Sanzo?" he asked, putting strong emphasis on the other man's name.

"Because you know I would shoot you in the face."

"No! It's because I care about you, you jerk!"

Sanzo simply rolled his eyes at the outburst. "Glad to hear it."

Goku pounced on the other bed suddenly, pinning the blond to the headboard. "It's really not that hard to say. See? 'G-o-k-u'" he said, moving Sanzo's mouth to form each letter.

A pistol pressed under his chin caused him to stop quickly.

"Get. Off." Sanzo hissed dangerously.

The boy glared back. "No."

With a quick, sharp kick, Goku landed hard on the ground, the wind rushing out of his body in a low groan. He glared up at Sanzo, standing slowly and brushing off his pants. "You're an asshole, Sanzo." He grumbled softly, walking over to the door and yanking it open just as Hakkai and Gojyo came walking up.

Hakkai, usually acting as the "mother" of the group, immediately sensed something was wrong and quickly hauled Goku off with him to go shopping for supplies.

Gojyo watched the two walk out of the hotel but made no move to follow them. Instead, he turned his attention to Sanzo who had been watching out of the corner of his eye.

"Care to explain?" The redhead offered, lighting a cigarette and tossing the lighter to Sanzo.

"Not really." The blond replied, the lighter landing uselessly next to him.

**End Flashback**

Goku sighed heavily and kicked a clod of dirt away from his foot. Long shadows painted the streets and buildings around him and the temperature had begun to drop as the sun slipped lower into the sky.

Late afternoon shoppers bumped past him, almost oblivious to his presence. Goku quietly slipped his way through the crowd, heading back to their hotel towards the edge of town.

He dug his hands a little more deeply into his pockets and scanned the crowd one last time for any sign of Hakkai. He couldn't exactly remember how or when they'd gotten separated, but one minute he'd gone to look at a fruit stand on one side of the street and the next Hakkai was nowhere to be seen.

The idea of going back to the hotel wasn't all that appealing for more than one reason. First, it meant Gojyo would be drilling him about where Hakkai was and second it meant he'd have to face Sanzo again. Not that that in itself was particularly horrifying but the memory of the fight was still relatively fresh and burned at him just beneath the surface.

Goku sighed again, irritated with how quickly things had gotten out of hand. Granted, maybe he shouldn't have been so insistent on the subject but at the same time, Sanzo had not only refused to answer the question but had kicked him off the bed as well.

Not that he wasn't used to the name calling; hell, Gojyo called him names all the time. However, the two things wrong with that situation were that number one: it was easy to tell when Gojyo was teasing and number two: Gojyo wasn't sleeping with Sanzo. In fact, Sanzo's cold exterior often made Goku wonder if he actually cared about him at all. Not only that but the fact that he never called him by his name only fueled that insecurity.

Goku hated feeling so dependent upon the other man but to him, Sanzo was his everything. He'd been completely and absolutely in love with him forever, possibly longer, and just needed to know that Sanzo felt at least an iota of the same feelings for him.

Goku had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he hardly noticed the little boy that ran head-first into his leg. Stumbling back a little, he thought about yelling something in annoyance but stopped when he looked down.

The kid couldn't have been older than about six or seven but his baggy clothes made it hard to tell. Rust colored hair fell over his face and his large brown eyes were wide with fear and panic. Through the dirt and grime that smudged his face, Goku could make out several dark bruises and cuts along the child's cheeks and jaw line. An intricate, maroon pattern swept under the boy's right eye and his pointed ears were almost completely hidden behind his hair. The kid was youkai.

Before Goku could ask any questions, angry shouts and threats could be heard coming their way. The child whimpered softly and clutched Goku's pants leg, his small frame trembling beneath the clothes that were at least twice his size.

Goku watched him for a second before gently pushing the boy behind him and setting his stance a little wider so he was more protected. "Stay behind me." He whispered softly, watching as the little boy nodded in response.

The shouts drew closer and finally a mob of men, about 10 in all, emerged from the late afternoon crowd. The men's eyes locked on the teen in front of them along with the child he was protecting and stopped. Goku waved happily at the front man of the group, keeping his position in front of the boy. "Hey, how's it goin'?"

The man, a black-haired individual in his forties stepped forward, a large mallet clutched in his hand. "Hand over the brat, kid. This doesn't concern you!"

The little boy winced and Goku felt his gaze harden. "Well, you guys look like your ready for a fight and if that's the case, then you can forget it. I don't know what this kid did but there's no way in hell I'm going to let you assholes take him."

A look of rage passed over the man's face and he growled deeply in the back of his throat. "Either you give us the boy or we take you down with him!"

Goku smirked despite himself, the urge to fight itching at his palms in response to the anger and frustration he's felt earlier. Turning ever so slightly, he whispered, "Hey kid." The boy looked up nervously, meeting Goku's eyes with his. "What's your name?"

"C-Coden…"

"Nice to meet you Coden, I'm Goku. Okay, you know that hotel at the edge of town?"

The child nodded slowly, his eyes completely focused on the older boy.

"When I tell you, I want you to run that way as fast as you can, okay? I have some friends staying there that will protect you until we get these guys off your case."

Noticing the men advancing threateningly, Coden shuddered and gripped Goku's pants leg a little tighter. "W-What about you…?"

The teen smiled and ruffled his hair gently. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I can hold them off until you get out of here." As soon as he finished, one man lunged, landing just short of stabbing Goku in the stomach. Within seconds, Goku's weapon was in his hand and he'd hit the man hard enough to break his jaw.

"Coden go!" he shouted, fighting off three more men that attacked all at once. The men slashed and lunged at hit with dizzying speed but the teen managed to avoid each blow, even if it was by an inch. Fighting the mob was easy enough, each man fighting hit hard but not well and it was simple to predict their movements after a while. The golden-eyed boy smirked, knocking back the last one and turning just in time to see the black-haired man making a run for Coden.

Adrenaline hit full force and Goku took off after him, determined to get him away from the little boy. He could hear the man laughing dangerously as he got closer to his intended target. Sure, the kid got a head start but the man was still faster and stronger. Then, just to make things easier, Coden managed to trip and tumble onto the ground only a few feet away.

The man grinned hatefully as he got closer, the child's eyes locked onto him in fear. Coden seemed to know that running was all but pointless now because he made no effort to get up.

"Time's up, brat." He growled, raising the heavy mallet and bringing it down with deadly force.

The mallet connected solidly, blood splashing over Coden's face and clothes. He blinked slowly, the world slowing to a crawl. He was somewhat surprised he was still conscious and only then noticed something heavy draped across his legs. "G-Goku…" he gasped, alarmed by the large amount of blood that had begun to stain the teen's face and head.

Goku winced, blood running into his eyes. "Coden…go…" When the child hesitated, the wounded teen pushed him away gently. "Go…" he insisted again before his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed lifelessly over the boy's legs.

The man, who seemed equally surprised by the turn of events, barely seemed to notice as the child he'd been completely prepared to murder only seconds before got up and took off again towards the edge of town.

His companions had since recovered and made their way over to their leader, stopping at the sight of the unconscious teen on the ground.

"What now, Grek?" one commented from the back. "The kid just got away! What the hell do we do now?"

Grek, who had been absorbed in his own thoughts until now, knelt down and examined the blood streaked headband across Goku's forehead. "You boys remember a couple of months ago there was that rumor about a golden-eyed heretic that was supposed to traveling along these parts?"

A few men nodded, stepping a little closer to have a better look at the unconscious boy. Grek smiled grimly, sweeping his finger across the gold band and shuddering at the feeling of power that coursed through it.

"I think we may have found something better than some little youkai brat."

* * *

I just love torturing Goku, it's so easy (grin) I'm a terrible person -.-;


	2. The Importance of a Name

Okay, the whole conversation between Sanzo and Gojyo will seem kind of corny but it makes sense later on, I swear!!

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Hakkai paced nervously, looking out at the dark street in front of the hotel. He'd gotten back around 5:30 and the sun had long since set before any of them began to wonder about what had become of Goku. Around 10 o'clock, it had become rather apparent that something was wrong and Hakkai had begun his laps around the room.

"Oh, this is all my fault." He muttered, looking out the window for about the seventh time in a little under five minutes. "I should have never gotten separated from him."

"Hakkai," Gojyo sighed, walking over and standing next to the fidgety man. "I'm sure he's fine. He probably just got lost or found something stupid to entertain himself with and lost track of time." It was wishful thinking and they both knew it.

Sanzo took a slow drag form his cigarette and glanced to the window without the other two noticing. "Goku's old enough to take care of himself." He muttered, refusing to look up as the other two men turned to look at him. "He'll probably be back when he gets hungry."

Hakkai sighed heavily. "Sanzo, aren't you worried about him at all?"

The priest was silent for a long minute before answering, choosing his words carefully to avoid admitting the growing uneasiness he felt. "Of course I am." He whispered quietly. "But until I have something definite that proves to me something happened to him, I'm going to assume he's fine."

Hakkai's gaze softened and he felt his frustration ease a little. Most of the time Sanzo acted like he didn't give a damn one way or the other about Goku and to hear him actually admit that he was worried about the boy made it a little easier to believe the cold, serious man harbored at least a little compassion for him.

Gojyo squinted out the window for a second. "Hey, I think someone's coming." Hakkai rushed to the window for confirmation as Sanzo made his way to the door. The trio ran down the hall, startling the sleeping receptionist as they passed.

Stumbling to a stop outside, the group immediately realized that the person approaching was not the one they were hoping for. Instead, a blood-splattered little boy came running out of the darkness only to collapse to his knees once he got close enough, breathing heavily.

Hakkai frowned at the sight of the child and stepped forward slowly, kneeling so he was eye-level with him. "Are you alright?" he asked softly, keeping his voice as comforting as possible.

The boy shook his head but wasn't able to speak clearly just yet. "Hurt…helping…told me…to come…hotel…" he gasped heavily, clearly upset about something.

The healer raised an eyebrow, scanning the boy carefully for the source of all the blood. "Are you hurt? You covered in blood…"

The little boy's hands gripped into tight fists in the dirt and he shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "It's not mine…"

Hakkai shook his head, more than a little confused. "Whose blood is it? Were you attacked?"

"Yes…the blood, it's...it's-"

"Are your parents around here?"

"No…but the blood-"

"Do you need-?"

"It's Goku's! Goku was hurt!" the child cried out finally.

The healer's green eyes widened. "What?! What happened?!"

"Who did it?! Is he alright?!" Gojyo joined in from behind him.

The little boy shuddered, tears falling more freely down his cheeks. He looked between the two men, wondering which question needed to be answered in which order. It was only when the blond in the back spoke up did he know who needed to be answered first and foremost.

"Hey kid." Sanzo ground out through gritted teeth, his voice cold as steel. "Just what the hell happened?"

**A few hours later**

"…and then Goku jumped in front of me and got hit instead…"Coden finished, tears welling in his eyes once again at the memory as he finished his story. Hakkai smiled at him in reassurance but it was a sad smile. "What Goku did was very brave." He said, wiping a tear from the child's face. "And you were very brave to come and find us Coden."

Coden sniffled a little and wiped his face. "R-Really?"

Hakkai nodded and gently covered a cut on his cheekbone with a band-aid. "Yes, and try not to worry about Goku. He's pretty tough, I'm sure he's fine." He continued, trying to convince himself more than anything. While the healer cleaned and bandaged the minor injuries Coden had received, the other two were left to ponder on their own thoughts.

Gojyo had gone to the front desk to report the incident but the receptionist had told him there wasn't much that could be done at this time of night and had promised to alert the authorities first thing in the morning. He'd returned more pissed than when he'd left only to find Sanzo staring blankly out the window as if he were trying to see where Goku had been taken.

Sighing, the redhead walked over, his presence going all but unnoticed to the stoic blond. He glanced out the window, leaning against the wall and pressing his shoulders into the bricks. He struck a match and lit a cigarette that had been tucked behind his ear earlier. Normally he'd have asked for the lighter but seeing as how Sanzo had it in a death grip, it'd be suicide to try.

Discarding the now useless match to the floor, Gojyo took a slow drag and let the nicotine filter into his bloodstream. "Penny for your thoughts." He offered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Silence greeted him for several seconds before Sanzo answered. "I'm debating on whether or not I should still be mad at Goku or not."

"Why were you mad at him in the first place?"

The blond let out a breath, small wisps of smoke curling in the air in front of him. "No reason."

"Bullshit. You wouldn't have brought it up if it wasn't bothering you, now spill it."

The priest was a little surprised at the forcefulness behind Gojyo's voice but refused to show it. "He asked me why I never call him by his name."

"So why don't you?"

Sanzo flicked and ash off his hand and dropped the cigarette butt to the ground and immediately going for another one. "It's because of something my master told me once."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

There was a palpable pause. "When I was a kid, all the other children, even some of the monks used to call me names and make fun of me. My master was the only one who ever called me by my real name. When I asked him why, he told me it was because the more you say a person's name, the more attached to them you become. It was only until after he died that I began to understand what he meant."

Gojyo listened quietly, somewhat impressed that Sanzo had opened up about something so personal.

"After that, I figured the less I said a person's name, the less painful it would be if something were to happen to them. Goku was no different. It was hard enough for me to tell him I love him let alone admitting it to myself. I avoided calling him by his name because I didn't want to believe how much I actually cared for him."

Upon finishing his confession, the priest blushed faintly and stared straight ahead. "Tell anyone I said any of that and I'll kill you in the slowest way possible."

Gojyo chuckled in response. "I won't, I wont." There was another pause, each lost in their own thoughts for the moment. "It's kind of a stupid philosophy when you think about it though."

A gun barrel clicked at his side but he ignored it. "I'm just saying that names are important, that's all."

Sanzo made a "hn" sound but listened anyway.

"A name helps define who you are because it belongs to you and you alone. Saying a person's name give them an identity, something you have to have in order to survive. I understand trying to protect yourself but to be perfectly blunt, Goku would die without you."

The words seemed to strike a chord within Sanzo because his frown deepened and his grip on the lighter tightened to the point of cracking it.

Gojyo pressed on anyway. "You mean everything to him and he just wants to know that you feel somewhat of the same. When you don't say his name, it makes him feel like you're ashamed or embarrassed by him or something."

The blond was silent, letting the words sink into his consciousness. Gojyo waited for a few seconds for any kind of response but upon receiving none, he leaned back and looked out the window once more. "So now what do we do?"

"Tomorrow, I want you and Hakkai to take that kid home." Sanzo answered, his voice cold and his eyes never leaving the window.

"And what are you going to do?"

There was a grim chuckle that, in cold darkness of the night, sounded like it came from the devil himself. "I'm going to find Goku and kill the bastard that took him from me."

The answer was simple and deadly. And what's more, they both knew it was true.

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The next chapter gets better, I promise. Let me know what you think!!


	3. Theories and Experiments

Glassy gold eyes cracked open slowly, a sharp wince following the process. A low groan escaped Goku and he raised his hand slowly to touch his forehead. Blood matted his hair and dry, crimson streaks covered his left eye.

"Ah! I'm surprised to see you awake so soon." A frail voice spoke up from somewhere off in a corner.

Goku managed to turn his head slowly to the side, focusing on a short, grey-haired man with glasses standing in front of a thick metal door. Sharp lighting made him wince a little more as he looked around. He was lying in a large, empty room with white walls and tiled floor. There was one window on one of the walls with shiny, double-sided glass that reflected the room around him.

"A blow like that probably would have killed a normal man." The old man chuckled softly. His voice was brittle and harsh, like broken glass being scraped across a black board. Something about the way he said "normal" caused chills to creep along Goku's spine. He forced himself into a sitting position, ignoring the way the room tilted around him.

"Where am I…?" His voice sounded distant and heavy, almost as if he were talking to himself through a wall.

The old man chuckled and looked around the room appreciatively. "Why, you're in my lab." He answered logically. "Some of my associates brought you here a few hours ago. I must say, you are quite the specimen."

"Specimen…what…?"

The man smiled and walked over, kneeling down and pressing something small and round to Goku's forehead and temples. "In all my years of research, I never thought I'd actually see The Heretic with my own eyes."

A shudder raced down Goku's spine and his eyes widened a little. "How did you-?"

The man cut him off before he could finish. "I'm sure you've heard of the Minus Wave, correct?" Without waiting for an answer, he continued almost nostalgically. "There was a legend a long time ago, when I was just a child, that all of the youkai branched from a single individual; a golden-eyed heretic, locked away forever for his sins against humanity. Some believe you are the reason for the youkai's descent into madness." The man's voice took on a sinister quality that caused him to shiver again.

Goku struggled to stay conscious enough to listen. He'd heard the rumor before but knew it wasn't true. The youkai were going berserk for an entirely different reason, one he had nothing to do with.

"You know, my wife was a youkai." The man continued, making sure whatever he'd stuck to the teen's forehead was going to stay. "We had been married for eight years before she lost her sanity." He paused carefully before gripping Goku by the chin sharply. "Do you know what it's like to kill someone you love to protect yourself?" he demanded, searching Goku's face for any kind of answer with wild eyes.

Upon receiving none, he released the boy and smiled weakly. "No, I suppose a monster like you would never know what it's like to love someone."

Goku wanted to disagree but knew it wouldn't do any good. "I'm not…a monster…" he refuted weakly, the words heavy in his mouth.

The man gave him a sinister smile. "And how would you know?" He shrugged carelessly and continued. "You know, after my wife died, I vowed to do everything possible to figure out what made the youkai change so dramatically. I even developed a machine that made it possible to separate the rational, human side from the demon within in order to see how much different the two were." He paused and eyed the little things he'd attached to the boy's head. "With these electrodes, the machine overrides the brain's human self and replaces it with what they truly are: a blood thirsty monster."

Goku shook his head weakly. "It won't work…my headband-"

"Oh yes, that head band is truly a work of art. But alas, it can't even withstand my machine's power. My machine has the ability to render it as nothing more than a fashion accessory. Even the most stable, headstrong youkai has been eventually reduced to a feral beast." He smirked, patting something large and metallic right behind the door. "Usually, the weaker ones succumb in only a few minutes and the stronger youkai manage to hold out for about an hour. I think you may be a special case though, considering you are the original source of the minus wave."

Goku shook his head. "No, I'm not the source of-"

"I want to see how long you can last, how your body reacts to being forced into its most primal state." The man continued, only paying the wounded young man half a mind. "And then, once you've lost yourself completely, the real fun begins."

Realization hit sharply and Goku glared at the man. "So those men after Coden…they were going to-"

"Bring him to me so I could do the experiment with a child, yes." The man concurred, smiling a little. "But I think you're a much better catch."

Goku couldn't believe the heartlessness of the man before him. "You were going to drive a child to insanity…and then kill him?!" he growled sharply. "You're insane!"

"Am I?" The old man smirked and winked at him. "I guess we'll just have to see who's saner after this then, shall we?" With that he turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him. It was only then that Goku noticed the deep, blood-stained claw marks on the back of the door. There was no telling how many men, women, and worst of all, children had lost themselves to madness in this room.

Thought process shuddered to a violent halt immediately as skull-splitting pain shot through his brain. Goku's body went rigid and his back arched sharply, painfully. He could feel himself screaming but couldn't hear anything. Razor-like claws protruded from his fingers and even sharper fangs sliced into his lips.

Suddenly his body was on fire, every inch of him searing and burning unbearably from within. He writhed and trembled violently, fighting against his own body. Somewhere in his mind, he knew what was happening but he couldn't control any part of himself enough to stop it.

In a flash, he was on his feet, throwing himself at the door with all the force he possessed. Metal bent and whined under the strain and Goku ripped at it with animal-like fury.

The old man watched from behind the window in a mixture of fascination and horror. So this was the true power of the youkai, this mindless ferocity that drove them to insanity. None of the others had reacted as violently as this boy, none of them possessed the strength he had.

The boy was suddenly at the window, pounding, banging, and shredding at the reinforced glass in a flurry of claws and teeth. His furious gold eyes locked onto the man watching him with a growl of primal hatred. He grinned viciously, his fangs glinting in his reflection of the window.

Glass cracked deeply along the edges of the window pane, sending shining streams snaking across the expanse of glass. The man smiled contently from behind the window. "I think I've seen just about enough for today." He said to himself, taking one last look at the demon in front of him, admiring the ferocity for a few more seconds before flipping a small switch on the machine next to him.

Goku immediately crumpled to the floor, his breathing coming in shallow, labored gasps. Pain wracked his body and he trembled convulsively as consciousness began to return. His stomach lurched suddenly and he vomited into a watery, bloody puddle on the tiles.

The door swung open and the old man walked in, grinning like a child. "Well, I must say that was quite a display of power. You are by far my most interesting subject yet."

Goku felt his eyes trying to roll back in his head but a sharp slap on his cheek caused him to fight his way back to consciousness.

"Sorry, but I'm afraid I can't have you dying on me just yet. I have many more tests for you, my little demon."

"…ku…" The words felt foreign and strange as he said them.

"Pardon?"

"My name….is Go…ku…"

The man smiled coldly and slid a large syringe from his pocket. "Not for long."

There was a brief moment of pain as the needle plunged into Goku's neck but he was suddenly too far gone to care. His eyes rolled back and a deep, dreamless sleep washed over him.

* * *

Okay, I know the "Heretic Theory" may seem a little off but this guy seems like the type to believe anything that suits his purpose -.-; I hope it's okay, if it upsets anyone just let me know, okay??


	4. Forgetting

Dawn came far too slowly as far as Sanzo was concerned. He'd stayed up all night, staring out the window and watching as the stars faded into the lightening sky. Just as he felt he couldn't wait any longer, the sun peaked over the horizon and flooded the room with warm, golden light.

Hakkai and Gojyo were up already as well, pacing, fidgeting and waiting for it to become late enough for the town to open. Coden sat on the bed on the other side of the room, his gaze locked on Sanzo's back. His eyes were red from crying and lack of sleep but he wasn't tired. He wanted to know where Goku was and why Grek had taken him instead.

Around 7:30, Hakkai looked to the window and sighed a little impatiently. "I think it's late enough. I'm ready if you three are." He offered, knowing the answer before he even finished the sentence.

Sanzo and Gojyo nodded in agreement and Coden hopped off the bed as the group made their way to the door. He waited until the other two had walked a little ways ahead before he stopped and tugged gently on the back of Sanzo's robe. "Um…Mr. Sanzo…?"

The priest turned and looked down, a slight amount of irritation prickling his voice. "Yeah?"

Coden let go and looked down. "I'm really sorry about Goku…he shouldn't have…he got hurt because he helped me…I'm sorry…"

Sanzo sighed heavily and let his hand rest on the child's head. "Don't be stupid." He said softly, looking down at him. "Goku helped you because he wanted to. Let's just worry about getting you home for now. Don't worry about Goku, I'll take care of him."

The little boy smiled softly and nodded. "Okay."

Sanzo nodded in return and gently pushed him forward so he could catch up with Hakkai and Gojyo. His hand wrapped around the cold body of the pistol at his side and he felt his eyes harden.

"I will find you, Goku." He muttered softly to himself. "I swear it."

* * *

Goku's eyes cracked open with an enormous amount of effort. Everything hurt and it was alarmingly hard to breathe. His arms were chained together at the wrist above his head and the cold metal cuffs were working diligently at slicing into his skin.

Forcing himself to stand a little straighter to give his arms a break, Goku scanned the small room he was currently occupying. The floor was dirt and the walls were made out of dull, grey bricks. A heavy door sat a few feet in front of him and small, barred window hung high above his head, letting in just enough light to see. The room smelled like blood.

His face and forehead had been cleaned; the dried blood wiped away with something abrasive that made his skin sore. He could feel the little electrodes still attached to his skin but knew there was no way he'd be able to remove them in his current position. There was a low grumble from his stomach but surprisingly he wasn't hungry. All he wanted to do was go back to sleep to block out the throbbing headache that pressed against his skull with each heartbeat.

The door swung open and the old man walked in, grinning happily in Goku's direction. "Ah!" he exclaimed brightly. "I see you're finally awake. About time too, I was starting to think you'd given up and died already."

"Why…are you doing this?" It was hard to talk and the words seemed to fall out of his mouth in a clutter.

The man chuckled lightly. "Why, I've already told you. I want to see how long it takes to reduce you to a snarling, blood-thirsty beast. All of my other subjects would have succumbed completely by now but you've managed to hold onto your human self for much longer than I anticipated. I must praise you for that."

Goku shook his head, wincing as the headache only grew worse by doing so. "Look, despite what you may think I'm not the cause for the Minus Wave. The youkai all over Shangri La are going crazy but not because of me…" he paused to catch his breath and blink away the fog clouding his vision. "Your wife-"

The man had crossed the room quicker than Goku thought possible and punched so hard he thought his jaw would break. "Don't you ever talk about my wife, you monster!" he growled deeply, his eyes cold and sharp as razors.

Goku winced and spit a glob of blood onto the man's shirt. "You're the monster…"

A hand grabbed him tightly by the throat, cutting off his air supply completely. The man smiled coldly, watching as the boy gagged and gasped for air under his grip. Finally, he released him, stepping back and admiring him with morbid pleasure. "We'll see who's the monster." He said, walking over and flipping a small switch behind the door.

Goku barely had time to register what had happened before he felt his consciousness being violently ripped away and his demon side emerging. He opened his mouth to scream but ended up letting out a guttural groan instead.

The old man watched as the boy transformed, pulling and jerking against the chains that held him in place. The teen managed to rip one arm free and was fully prepared to do the same to the other when the switch was flipped again.

Goku sagged by one arm, breathing heavily and shaking. His nose began to bleed, small, crimson streams trailing down his mouth and jaw.

The man smirked and roughly chained his hands back together. "The more I force you to change, the quicker you will lose yourself." He taunted playfully. "I'd imagine I can break you in a matter of hours."

Goku lunged forward, glaring hatefully but the man stepped just out of his reach. "See?" he said as if proving a point. "It's already started. You're not even in your demon form and you're ready to rip my throat out."

"I'd do much more than that…" the teen growled, spitting as blood ran into his mouth.

Smiling twistedly, the man winked at Goku before turning to leave. "Don't worry, I'll have you broken by nightfall." The door slammed loudly, leaving Goku alone into the room. Hot, angry tears trickled down his face and he grit his teeth tightly in frustration.

He hated his demon counter-part and how much energy it took to keep him subdued. True, his headband helped but it also took and enormous amount of effort on his part as well. Worst of all, the longer he was forced into his youkai self, the harder it became to remember some of the simpler things from his human life.

He found himself forgetting what kind of cigarettes Gojyo smoked and which side Hakkai's monocle was on. Worst still, he was beginning to forget things about Sanzo as well. What he smelled like, what the name of his sutra was, the color of his eyes…

Goku suddenly realized he wasn't sure what his name was. It slipped and drifted just out of his memory like an elusive dream you forget when you wake up.

"Goku…"he mumbled softly, the words echoing around him. "My name is Goku…" He repeated his name like a mantra, listening carefully to the sound each time.

The sob came without warning and caused him to cough roughly, a shudder running down his body as well. Tears fell freely down his face, mixing with the blood from his nose. He sniffed uselessly, the smell of tears and blood making him nauseous.

He wondered how much longer he'd be able to control himself before he lost it completely. How much longer could he force himself to remember?


	5. Information

Sanzo weaved his way through the mid-morning crowd that lined the street, hell bent on getting some answers. He'd separated from Gojyo and Hakkai and hour earlier after once again promising Coden he' find Goku.

Reassured, Coden had told him exactly where Goku was attacked and who had done it. Now all that was left to do was find the man responsible.

The location the boy had described was a small alley that curved to the left up ahead. Pushing past a slow moving couple in front of him, Sanzo turned and made his way down the narrow street.

The alley was dusty and dimly lit but the morning sun with only one or two shops lining the walls. A reddish-brown stain was kicked up in the dirt and Sanzo felt his jaw clench tightly.

An old man appeared from the doorway of one of the shops carrying a large "open" sign. He stopped and looked at the man in front of him and laughed gently. "Oh, I'm very sorry but we're not open quite yet. If you come back in about thirty-"

"I'm not here to shop. I need information." The blond cut him of coldly, his violet eyes locked on the other man's face.

The shopkeeper felt an involuntary shudder pass through him at the iciness of the man's voice. "Um, sure. What can I help you with?"

"A man named Grek. He attacked someone yesterday and I need to know where to find him." Sanzo fought to keep his voice even and unclench his fists at the same time.

The older man thought for a second before answering. "He comes around town a lot looking for the youkai that manage to blend in with the towns people." He paused as if something had suddenly come to him. "I think he works for a man named…uh…Reinsin?"

"Where can I find him?"

"Well Grek usually shows up around noon to "hunt." He and about 4-5 of his friends usually start at the bar up the street. He should be here soon."

Sanzo nodded once and turned to leave. "Thanks." He muttered over his shoulder before he disappeared around the corner of a building.

The shop keep nodded in return and watched him leave, the sickening feeling of knowing that someone was probably going to be killed sinking into him.

Overall, Grek was relatively easy to find. Considering he was the only one walking down the main street yelling for all the youkai to come out and face him, he stuck out just a little.

Sanzo dropped his cigarette to the ground and crushed it beneath his foot, making sure his Smith and Wesson was loaded and ready to go. Once Grek and his followers slipped into a bar further up the street, the priest casually followed them inside.

The bar was surprisingly crowded this early in the day but finding the hunter's group was easy enough. Sanzo made his way over to the table and tapped Grek on the shoulder.

"Yeah? What do you want?" The hunter snarled, turning to face the blond.

"I heard you're looking for youkai. If that's the case, I think I've found one for you."

Grek made and attempt to smile that looked more like a sneer. "Yeah? And what would you want in exchange for this youkai?"

"Just information." Sanzo answered through gritted teeth. He could see a bloodstain on the mallet that hung from the man's belt and had a pretty good idea who it had come from.

Laughing, Grek stood up and pushed away from the table. "Alright, Blondie. How about you show me where this youkai is and I'll think about telling you what you want to know."

Sanzo felt a tight smile touch his lips as he followed Grek outside. "Fair enough." He waited until the black-haired man was out of view from his friends before whipping around and pinning him to the wall, the pistol stabbing into the other man's throat.

"What the fuck-?!" Grek hissed but gagged as the gun pressed harder against his windpipe.

"Where is Reinsin?" Sanzo demanded, his eyes cold with murderous fury.

"Let me go, you piece of shit!" The man growled, his anger paralleling the priest's. However, his anger instantly ceased as the gun went off into his foot. He howled with rage and pain and grit his teeth.

"Where.Is.Reinsin?" The pistol was aimed carefully at the other foot and Sanzo was about out of patience.

"H-He's in the woods outside of town. About 10 miles away…" Grek stuttered, panting harshly from the gaping hole in his foot.

"What is he doing to Goku?"

"I-I don't know…" The gun went off again and Grek let out another howl of pain. "He does tests…! He experiments on the youkai…!" He bit back a groan of pain and continued. "He paid us $100 per youkai, regardless of age or gender…"

Sanzo felt his blood run cold as the words filtered into his consciousness. Every part of him wanted to kill this man but he only had one bullet left and that was saved for Reinsin. Instead, he slammed Grek's head into the brick wall behind him with enough force to crack the wall. The man fell to a motionless heap on the ground and Sanzo stepped over him easily, tucking his gun back into his robe.

"You don't know how lucky you are." He muttered to the unconscious man before turning and making his way to the edge of town.

* * *

Yay!!! Good old fashioned ass-kicking! That's how we do it in Texas! (giggles stupidly) Ahhhh...but seriously, it was about time someone that hurt Goku got some pay back.

By the way, Reinsin's name is "Sinner" re-arranged. I know its really stupid and that there's an extra "i" in there, but I figured that since the guy seems so high and mighty in his beliefs, it would be very fitting for him to have such and ironic name. Kudos for anyone who figured it out (grin)


	6. Losing It

It was either have his legs go numb or dislocate a shoulder. Goku winced and forced himself to stand up a little straighter. He had long since lost the feeling in his arms and was just barely maintaining it in his legs

He was angry, tired, and sore. Normally, breaking free of the chains would have been a snap but he barely had the energy to stand let alone pull and struggle against metal shackles. His head was swimming with the very effort of breathing and it was becoming harder and harder to do. It would be so much easier just to stop…

No! Goku shook his head sharply, swaying a little as he did so. He was not going to just give up and die and give that man the satisfaction he desired.

Goku focused on this though furiously but only half-heartedly. Deep down he knew that this next transformation would be his last. The man had vowed to break him by evening and the sun was already starting to slip into the afternoon sky. Once that switch was flipped, that was it. Goku knew that once he lost himself this final time, there would be no turning back.

Footsteps echoed up the hallway and Goku knew who and what was coming. He's resigned himself to his fate but had no intention to let the man walk away unscathed. If he could get one decent hit in, he'd die happy.

The door swung open and the old man stepped in grinning. "I hope you don't have anything worth missing left in your human life because, well," he paused, smiling coldly. "It's about to become a thing of the past."

Goku didn't say anything; he waited. The moment that switch was thrown, he'd make his move.

"Anything you'd like to say before you become a raving, blood-thirsty monster?"

The teen smiled weakly, his gold eyes level with the man before him. "I'll see you in Hell."

With a sigh, the man flipped the switch. "Why do they always say that?" he muttered almost regretfully.

Goku managed a forced smile as he was painfully ripped from himself once again. Time for the real fun to begin.

Using ever last ounce of energy he possessed, the teen ripped his arms free from the wall, shattering the chains to pieces. The man's eyes widened and he tried to make a break for the door but Goku was on him in a flash. He tore savagely at the man's chest, deep, bloody gashes appearing beneath his razor-sharp claws. The man struggled to break free, kicking and cursing for everything he was worth.

Landing one solid kick, Goku was sent flying across the room, slamming into the bricks with bone shattering force. In his weakened state, he snarled and growled murderously but found it hard to move with any amount of speed. That last attack had taken nearly everything from him.

Bloody and furious, the old man pulled a gun from his pocket, shakily loading it. "The Minus Wave ends now." He muttered, taking aim.

The golden-eyed youkai glared at the sight of the gun, a fang-tipped smirk arching his mouth. Somewhere inside, he could faintly remember a blond man with a gun similar to this one. He couldn't remember the man's name but it didn't matter. Goku dove at the other man, fangs and claws bared.

A loud bang echoed inside the room. There was no other sound, no movement.

Goku smiled weakly, glaring at the shaking man in front of him. Slowly, he reached up and plucked the electrodes off his forehead, crushing them between his fingers and dropping them to the ground.

Blood had begun to soak his shirt, tricking down his chest and stomach in crimson webs. He felt his knees give out, felt himself fall but never felt the impact of the ground. Around him, the world faded. Everything was quiet. Everything was dark.

* * *

God, I'm a terrible person...I love cliff hangers! Hope you liked it too!! 


	7. Remembering

The late afternoon sun cast long, dark shadows across the forest floor. Sanzo walked quietly in case anyone happened to be watching, however remote that possibility may have been. There was barely any birds in the trees let only the possibility of another person hiding among them. It was far too quiet for his comfort.

A terrifyingly loud bang suddenly echoed from somewhere in the distance. Sanzo felt his body go numb in recognition of the noise. The sound of gun shot was something a person never forgets.

Completely forgetting about his prior caution, Sanzo broke into a run in the direction the bang had come from.

* * *

The building that appeared among the trees was not quite what he was expecting. The walls were stark white and a small cross was painted across the front door. At fist glace, the building almost looked like an abandoned church or hospital. However, despite its pristine appearance, the unmistakable stench of death hovered in the air around the building like a fog. Clenching his teeth and cocking his gun, the priest walked into the unholy building.

The front door swung open easily, the hinges squealing in protest as a harsh, sterile smell followed along behind the door. Dim florescent lights hung from the ceiling and flickered spasmodically, threatening to go out at any minute. A hallway curved sharply away from the front room, more flickering lights trailing down its length.

Sanzo pulled his pistol from his robe, gripping it tightly at his side, and turned the corner, fully prepared to shoot anything that moved. As he made his way down the dim hallway, empty white cells lined the walls beside him, heavy metal doors blocking them off from the outside. Through the small windows embedded in the metal, Sanzo could make out faded blood splatters across the walls and floors of some of the cells. With growing dread and anxiety, the priest continued down the grim hallway.

The light seemed to stop at the end of the hall, casting the walls into dark shadow. There was the creak of a door and a bloodstained old man stepped out from one of the cells at the end of the hall.

"Who are you?" he demanded, his voice harsh and frail from irritation and evident pain.

"Are you Reinsin?"

The old man frowned darkly. "What do you want, I'm very busy."

"Answer me." Sanzo growled. "Is your name Reinsin?"

"And if it was?"

The blond felt a muscle in his jaw twitch. "Then I'd have to kill you."

Reinsin laughed and flicked blood off his hand. "I'd like to see you try that." However, by the time he finished his sentence, Sanzo was in front of him, punching him hard in the face and effectively shattering his nose and cheekbones.

Stumbling backwards, Reinsin hit the wall and fumbled to retrieve his gun. Sanzo, unfortunately, was a little faster and quickly relieved him of his weapon, pressing it hard into his sternum. Adjusting his grip on his own gun, the priest pressed the other barrel into Reinsin's forehead.

"Where is Goku?" he demanded, pressing the guns hard into bone.

Reinsin spit and sneered at him. "Why do you want to save a demon like that?! Don't you see that without him the Minus Wave will end?!"

"Sorry to burst your bubble but that's bullshit." Sanzo hissed, his violet eyes gleaming with rage. "Now where is Goku?"

The man laughed incredulously. "I'm destroying the youkai for the sake of humanity! Can't you see?! It's my job to protect people from monsters like him!"

Sanzo had lost his patience and fired one gun into Reinsin's chest, puncturing a lung and leaving him to hack up blood. "And it's my job to protect him from people like you." He growled, squeezing the trigger for his own gun and blinking as blood splattered across his face.

As Reinsin's lifeless corpse fell to the floor, Sanzo spit in its general direction and stepped over him. "Burn in Hell, you sick bastard."

The cell across from him smelled strongly of fresh blood as Sanzo turned the corner. His heart fell instantly at the sight that greeted him.

Goku lay in a crumpled pile in one corner of the room, dark blood pooling around him. His breathing was ragged and shallow and he trembled faintly with every breath he took.

Dropping his gun, Sanzo rushed to the wounded boy's side and carefully flipped him over. Goku's face was bruised and pale, dried blood matting the hair on the back of his head. There was a tiny bullet wound above his collarbone that, while bleeding profusely, was not life threatening. The boy was battered and bruised but most definitely alive.

Sanzo let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and gently touched Goku's cheek. "What have you gotten yourself into now, you stupid monkey?" he muttered softly, watching the boy breathe for several seconds.

Goku's eyes slid open slowly and attempted to focus on the face above him. The voice sounded familiar but was difficult to place.

Sanzo looked down, watching for any sign of recognition in the boys eyes. He couldn't find any but what he did see chilled him to the bone. Goku's eyes were tight slits, the same as they were when he was a youkai.

A feeling of dread swept through the blond as he gazed down at his injured companion. "Goku." He said, a little more forcefully that he intended to.

The teen's hand reached out slowly, shaking as it came up. His palm rested against Sanso's throat and his fingers curled, squeezing weakly as if trying to strangle him.

Sighing irritably, Sanzo reached into his robe and retrieved his fan. One quick hit was all it took.

Goku blinked slowly a few times, his eyes fading back into the soft, compassionate gaze that belonged to him. "Ow…What…was that for…?"

"For being an idiot," Sanzo started, keeping a firm yet gentle arm around the boy's shoulders.

Despite the insult, Goku smiles weakly, a hint of recognition glimmering in his eyes. His hand faintly brushed against the other man's face before he passed out once again.

The blond caught him and cradled him close. "And for always managing to scare me the way you do." He finished, pressing a soft kiss to the top of the brunette's head. Standing carefully with Goku cradled in his arms, Sanzo turned and made his way back to town.

* * *

Hah!! Take that you dick! Man, I'm the one who created him and I don't like him -.-; Guess that means he's a good villian 


	8. Say My Name

Okay, Sanzo is VERY OOC in this chaoter and I'll go ahead and apologize. Seriously, it's tooth-rotting...

* * *

After Goku had been sufficiently bandaged and fussed over by Hakkai, Gojyo had managed to pry him away long enough for the boy to get some sleep.

Sanzo had explained everything when he arrived back at the hotel with and unconscious Goku cradled in his arms. His injuries were relatively moderate, consisting of a severe concussion, a mild gunshot wound, and several other cuts and bruises for good measure. However, even though none of the injuries were particularly life threatening, they wouldn't know what kind of damage had been done to his mind until he woke up.

Once Hakkai and Gojyo had left the room, Sanzo had moved over and positioned himself at the head of the bed, watching quietly as Goku slept. Not entirely sure what kind of torture he'd faced at the hands of Reinsin and how he would react to it, Sanzo wanted to be sure he was close if Goku needed him.

For a long time he was still, the only movement was the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. Then, after a few hours, he began to whimper and squeeze his eyes shut tightly as if trying to block out something. Sanzo sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Goku to him gently so that his head was lying across his lap. He shushed him softly and rubbed soothing circles into his back, whispering quiet reassurance that he wasn't even sure Goku heard. However, after a few minutes, the boy relaxed and went still, his hand loosely tangled in the blonds' robe.

They stayed like that for hours, each comfortable with the other's presence. As the moon raised higher, Sanzo felt his eyes begin to close against his will as sleep tried to lure him in. Satisfied that Goku was sleeping soundly, the priest held him protectively and let sleep take over.

* * *

Sanzo awoke a few hours later, immediately noticing something was wrong. Goku was gone.

Instantly awake, he sat up straight and scanned the room for indication of the injured boy. A window on the far side of the room was pushed open, a gentle breeze ruffling the curtains. In the silvery shadow of the moon, Sanzo could just make out a shadow leaning against the wall outside. A Goku-shaped shadow. Sighing in relief and vowing to kill him the next time he scared him like that, Sanzo walked over to the window, stepped through, and joined Goku on the porch outside.

The teen barely acknowledged him as he sat down, his eyes fixed on something far away. His knees were pulled up to his chest and his arms were wrapped around them loosely. Moonlight illuminated his face but managed to hide it from all emotion.

Sanzo watched him carefully, lighting a cigarette more out of habit than anything else. Several long, quiet moments passed before he spoke. "So, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

Goku nodded, then shook his head, then shrugged his shoulders, then stayed silent. Finally, after a few more uncertain moments, he whispered softly, "Do you think I'm a monster?"

"What?"

Goku blinked quickly, looking up at the sky as the tears threatened to fall. "That guy…he said the Minus Wave was my fault…but it started so long ago I can't remember…" he let out a shaky breath and wiped uselessly at his eyes. "He kept calling me a monster…a demon…he said those things so often that…well, I started to believe him…"

Sanzo shook his head sharply. "No, I don't think you're a monster and I never will.  
That man took out his demented fantasies on you because it suited his theories."

Goku laughed humorlessly, tears escaping from the corners of his eyes. "He forced me to change so many times…each time he did it, I started to feel like I was losing pieces of myself. I started to forget…I even started to forget things about you." He looked at Sanzo almost apologetically. "I forgot about you and Hakkai and Gojyo…I even forgot my own name." His hand clenched at his side weakly. "I mean, what if that guy is right? What if one day I do lose it and become the very thing we're fighting against right now? What if I really do turn into a monster and you can't stop me?! What if I kill you?!"

"Goku." Sanzo said firmly. "Calm down. That's not going to happen. I won't let anything happen to you."

The boy sniffed, more tears forming in his beautiful gold eyes. "Say it again." He begged, his voice cracking through tears.

"I won't let anything-"

"No…" he said, cutting off the rest of the sentence. "My name…say it again…please…"

Sanzo nearly felt his heart break at the raw emotion filtering through the teen's voice. "Goku." He whispered softly.

That was all it took for the walls to crumble. Goku let out a choked sob and covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking with the effort of crying. Sanzo fought to keep his own composure under control and gently pulled the boy into his arms.

"I'm sorry I couldn't say it before. I was afraid to admit how much you meant to me." He whispered, rocking slowly as Goku continued to cry into his chest. "You're everything to me and that scares the hell out of me. So I pushed you away, I didn't want you to know how much I loved you. I'm sorry, Goku." He kissed the top of his head tenderly. "I'm so sorry."

In return, Goku simply cried harder and hugged tighter. Sanzo stroked his hair and held him close, quietly whispering the boys name over and over. Eventually, Goku calmed down enough to lay still and clung to Sanzo like a lifeline, his head resting in the other man's lap.

Sanzo smiled softly and rubbed his back against the hitched sobs that continued to shake his body every so often. Then, Sanzo did something that would have gotten anyone else shot if they'd heard it. He started to hum.

It was a simple song, beautiful and sweet, one his master used to sing when he was younger. If he remembered correctly, it was called something like "You are my Sunshine." The melody was slow and gently, almost like a lullaby in its simplicity. Sanzo hummed the comforting tune over and over, sometimes murmuring the words only loud enough for Goku to hear. Goku smiled softly at the beautiful melody, his hand entwined with Sanzo's, and fell asleep. Keeping a protective arm around the sleeping boy in his lap, the two stayed like that for the rest of the night.

"…You'll never know dear, how much I love you…So please don't take my sunshine away…"

* * *

Ugh...I think I just became diabetic...Sorry for this chapter being soo sweet and fluffy .o It was like writing cotton candy on paper. Hope you liked the story, I had a great time writing it!! Let me know what you think!! 


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